I go through phases. I'm not really feeling up to writing/blogging. Probably not for awhile.
Two things to leave you with for a while.
1. There are some people I wish I knew better. Exhibit A) Soren Jensen.
I know it sounds kind of lame, but I think he and I have some things in common and I really respect and admire him. I pretty much always have. I won't lie, when he first moved here from New York, I was really jealous of him. His style, his smile, the "new-kid" aura around him, his handsome features, the fact that girls flocked to him.
I realize that was kind of dumb. Oh well. I hung out with him a grand total of probably two times and I wish it would have been more. He's one of the nicest people I've met.
2. I was listening to The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan the other day while cleaning the house and the song A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall came on. I love that song. It has brilliant lyrics to begin with. But my father walked in and I said,
"Dad, don't you love this song?"
"Of course. It reminds me of Kai."
"Really!?" (Kai hates Bob Dylan)
"Yeah... well... you know, 'Where have you been, my blue eyed son? And where have you been, my darling young one?'"
"... ...... ............. That kind of really makes me want to cry."
Man, I got choked up typing this.
Kai is my older brother. He's 20, he drinks and smokes and used to be a drug addict, probably still would be if he didn't get tested once a month. I don't really care what he does, and I really don't judge him for his health choices.
But I know the way my dad feels about him. Since the beginning, when Kai became immersed in narcotics, my dad was practically torn apart.. I felt sad about it too, when I got to be in the same mindset as my father. I can't imagine having a wayward, or prodigal son. And I don't feel like Kai is bad or stupid or anything, I just feel like some of the choices he made were not as smart as they could have been. He's still smart and even loving sometimes.
And I know I talk negatively about Kai all the time because I feel like he treats my family with complete contempt and disgust, but I know I can be better toward him. I love him. I know I don't say it a lot, and it's hard for me to even acknowledge that, but it's true.
I really love you, Kai. I don't care what kind of a person you are.
I just want to be friends again.